Everyone loves Bungsats

2008-04-22T21:00:00.000+08:00

finally an update.
Fuck starhub. Fuck my superiors and fuck my job.

2008-01-21T21:23:00.000+08:00

Just a little update.

first of all, im MR FRANCISCO.
cos 1) Im a civilian thank you
2) Im gonna teach. poor kids are gonna die.

and im taking driving lessons. so yea

life looks pretty exciting before uni now to get a hot girlfriend =)))

2007-12-26T06:34:00.000+08:00

I've been living on this addiction for too long. At a certain time, one must put it down and carry on with life.

Thanks for passing the time with me, all my fellow friends on thaurissan, but its time for me to go. Franquincy, Clarinette, rest well and thanks my alter egos.

I used to be a hero.

2007-12-06T19:46:00.000+08:00

First post back from japan. Its a lovely place, and i will be posting pictures when i finally upload them, me being lazy as hell. sian i need more offs.

2007-11-27T18:04:00.000+08:00

Well. It's time to go off soon.

On one hand, im so excited to go off to japan. its like. wow. japan. I love the culture, I love the music, the language, the cheesy movies. Goodness. If i could choose a country to live in its japan. Hope i get to meet some familiar faces there.

on the other, the days preceding my japan trip have been hell. Friend dead, cousin a pain, me being a moron and getting my heart where it cant possibly get out unhurt.

Fuck.

see yall next week. Kids good luck with your deployments, and 87s have fun at mambo..

pray ill be safe.

2007-11-04T12:07:00.000+08:00

This was another action packed week. Cos at work I was the non-commissioned officer, mainly implementing orders from above and relaying them to the band. But also cos its one busy week and i had lots of things to do ><

monday: first day as the NCO. fun follows. learnt the value of mindef forums. And watched hey gorgeous. Fiona is hot!

tuesday: went to cut my hair. from 2 ppl ended up become one huge ginggang group. Oh and it was ippt day. damn standing broad jump.

wednesday: Went for all saints mass with thaddeus. Met fiona and vivian there at the cathedral. after that met with charissa for dinner.

thursday: work work. pastamania at night.

friday: work work. met up with sophie for tea at holland v. Nice to see you again babe!

sat+sun: rot at home and got scolded by parents. honestly i wanna tell them what i did during my A's. and i still turned out fine. let john do as he sees fit imo. Get angry also no use.

time to book in and work. ciao all. will post something meaningful next time.

p.s. bleach is starting to look good.

2007-10-28T18:11:00.000+08:00

It's one of those weeks, when you just happen to spend and spend and spend.

monday was btt day. Which i passed! like wazaaa! and spent money at bbdc. then went out with christine for lunch and a movie. caught super bad which was funny in a crass low brow way.

tuesday went to work, then took a fucken 166 all around singapore before meeting up with byron, jerms, gerri, laodie and daph for dinner. yeaa was fun but i was sad cos of the bus ride..

wednesday.. in camp. wow.

thursday it was charissa, ben, olsen and ivan. went for dinner yet again and bummed around at gloria jeans before kind charissa sent me to camp.

friday i went batam with the band. wah im damn lucky to be in singapore. batam sucks!!!! no offense but the place is super backward and all. if ur not going there for the resort dont go there at all! only good thing was i was damn rich there. bad thing was nothing to spend on.

sat went drink/clubbin with limsian weijia weihao and some of weijia's gf's friends. clubbing was blah cos the crowd was pretty old. like aunties or men.. sigh but loads of drinks. and after that got bahkuteh somemore. at least we know someone had fun huh? hold hand dont know what else he did =)) hor weihao?

sun.. cousin's confirmation and rot at home.

yea thats the damn poor week for ya

2007-10-19T19:22:00.000+08:00

I hate the place so much. It gives me so much pain. So much angst. So much stress.

And I would love to get the hell out of it.

Yet why did I almost break down today? Why the sudden urge to cry?

The fellowships with the people who have been with me for two years in this communal living. The memories we have of good times and of bad, of mindless parades and of hours in the lower lounge.

The rubbish we talk about at breakfast.

The nicknames and whatnots.

Guys. Its been great serving with you all. We all have our differences, but in the end, if you asked me to choose another vocation to serve in, i would still choose to come to band.

Stay in personel: Thanks alot for the companionship and the family spirit thing we shared.
Section: Be good and dont bully fu quan.
Naruto gang: Sorry to go, but hope to meet you all in earnest battle once again.
Azhar, See Siang, Wei ren, Eddie, Sherman, Chung Yew, Thaddeus: Your turn to take up the leadership positions... take care of the band k. Its been an honor working with you all.
Batch 67: Thank you. For everything. Guys you are the best batch to have. With the exception of 1year 5 months. Really. Thank you.

ORD is in january. Till then i hope to do the best in my job, and in my personal relationships, so that when I look back, it will only be fond memories. Yes the place is fucked up. But the people. They are gold.

Thank you all.

2007-10-14T17:05:00.000+08:00

First time Jerms uploads a pic! This was taken at zouk on Byron's birthday. In it are Gerri, me, jerms and byron. All looking funny i think due to the tequila. next time open bottle pls i dont like tequila lol.

just watched the secret. It should be renamed the sad but freaky secret. Like. If i was jay i would have stayed with the father. and learn to drive cars. and be a street racer.. but well thats another story altogether.

2007-10-13T16:04:00.000+08:00

For those of you who cannot access the eighty7kids blog, heres a damn funny video.

Ah technology

2007-10-12T19:18:00.000+08:00

wednesday i went mambo. WHICH WAS FUN!!! hee.
friends i swear im not usually like this im usually a nice guy. =)

congrats nicole on 3rd.

2007-10-08T00:00:00.000+08:00

You would think that after so long, such things wont affect me anymore.
Sigh. Honestly felt pretty emo just now doing nothing. Damn happy that my batch is gonna ORD the hell out of here and stuff, but at the same time, i feel that all i've achieved this past two years is a higher standard of performance on my clarinet. And at what cost? Unfit, stupid, pretty anti social. No wonder people say that bandsmen are geeks and outcasts. That said I'm glad I did learn something.

My ORD function is coming up. Just over a year ago, it seemed to take forever. Now its my turn. Will be leaving behind a lifestyle that I love yet hate, and moving on with life.

As I ord, i'll probably never touch classical music or orchestral transcripts again, even though now i think they are pretty damn interesting.

To the people in band (who actually read this) I know I'm a fucker to work with, but hope you all understand its for the band that i push myself and you all to higher levels of excellence drills wise. Yeah i know i suck at music but i do put in the effort. Band B!

2007-09-23T01:27:00.000+08:00

One of my biggest fears is being left behind by those i love, being the village idiot, or just losing whatever it is that makes me click.

and the fear is so close to reality its scary.

well. all those going overseas. good luck have fun

2007-09-22T15:52:00.000+08:00

Lost control of myself, kicked a friend in the nuts, gone down for a change of command, proved what a competitive prick i am and failed ippt. all in a week.

Well theres always next week. never give up.

off to town for some 87 love.

2007-09-12T21:04:00.000+08:00

I'm tired. Tired of waiting, tired of hoping, tired of being disappointed. I'm tired of being raised up only to fall. I dont want to hurt anymore. If its not meant to be theres no point in forcing things. So. I guess im giving up on the chase. Cant be bothered no more.

Like what I'll tell my other friends, screw it. Lets just stay as friends rather than be unnatural.

Its too late to worry, but i think my brother just screwed his future. Fuck that too. its his life.

Ah well. 4 day weekend feels weird after a month of 6 day work weeks. Lets just see how it goes.

2007-09-01T07:17:00.000+08:00

Yesterday... i spent $6 at brewerkz. went with the council cocks ivan kp and marshall. okie la with me around where got not fun one. anyway thanks guys it really was good to see you all again. and that was the first time after so long i drank beer. orgas.

after we were done at brewerkz, we went to meet chery so that kp can send her home. then she took a train lol. play our backsides.

went to some jazz bar to meet the father. Made some new friends/business partners.his life on the outside seems exciting and all, but just like mine, im sure there are inner fucked up things.

ah well. ORD in january. bye bye unfair world.

2007-08-26T15:11:00.000+08:00

i wanna get out of army. the army jeremiah is sad. sad. sad. i miss the cj jeremiah. the crazy shit. unrestricted and totally mad. this one. is bound by dumb fuck rules and dumb fuck logic. is oppressed. rwarr. i miss the young naive things i held on to. i cant stand the "real world"

2007-08-26T14:35:00.000+08:00

I... must.... bitch.... about work!
Such a humongous waste of time. and we getting recalled on a last minute basis. anything also call us down. Call for fun also we must go down. stupid ppl retiring or whatever also we suffer. grr. really pity those ppl who tio funerals like band A. both parade bands are overworked now. juggling too many deployments. times like this i just wanna serve and fuck off. off. off. off.

sick and tired of poor work attitudes, of people with no brains, with people who are where they are cos they cant go anywhere else. Seriously la. some things are so obvious but tell u also you dont listen. The hell man. theres no more mutual respect. cos i dont respect you. cb shrek.

2007-08-20T07:47:00.000+08:00

Right before i book in for another long week of fun filled activities, i just want to dedicate this post to a friend called rachel. We've known each other for what? less than 2 years? and to be honest half the time we arent in contact. But friends are there for some reasons. like rickson my werewolf said, real friends tell the truth. And truth hurts, like that ur an asshole. Thanks to her im not gonna change me because of the environment of my "habitat" or the nature of my work. must stop being spiteful and so bleah abt life. So if ur reading this, u blog stalker you, thanks for everything and take care and have fun. =)

2007-08-16T17:10:00.000+08:00

Looks like Calvin made a new friend today. Well met up with cheryl and brought my cousin calvin to watch rush hour 3. its.. ok la. quite lame and a bit waste time. but chris tucker/jackie chan chemistry was great as usual, and the bloopers at the end were quite funny. Calvin enjoyed himself. cheryl better have enjoyed herself lol. Me? i was happy.

My block leave is ending soon. back to work for me rarrr.
ah well. need to justify my upkeep right
my italics dont work.

2007-07-29T20:27:00.000+08:00

Hmm.. Good outing. Simpsons was funny. but the company funnier. wasnt really feeling well and all but i never regret going for a 87s outing. there are those people who are just friends, then there are those who are almost family. these grp belongs to the third. they are family=)

and i want it to stay that way.

2007-07-21T23:32:00.000+08:00

SJI alumni kicked ass today. One of the rare times that i felt i did really well for a concert and honestly i doubt i could emulate the performance just given.

Was feeling sick and shitty during the rehearsal, but thank God, it all ended up good. I may not love sji big big, but this concert is one of the few things i really enjoy. where else can you perform with cool ppl, and play hokkien songs and japo songs. i did put my heart into the music. hope the audience enjoyed it.

thanks lester for being our guide in this concert. thanks for old times sake and for making me the musician i am today. thanks too to kelvin u dick for forcing me to go down. at least its worth it. Zahid too. for the effort taken to organise us alumni.

only bone to pick with is karli pok hair. you suck.

that said. im now down with a fever and a cold and sore throat. must be getting too old for this.

Didnt think of you per se this concert, but i did dedicate movement four of yamato to you. one day in better times ill talk about it. but how cares about a music nerd and his weird stories he sees in songs?

2007-07-19T22:01:00.000+08:00

Is it too hard to be happy? to have peace? Need more strength. broke down in camp the other day for no reason. under the cover of my blanket of course.

anyway. Gonna share with you all the story i see when i hear this song from space ship yamato. no music here so try to imagine.

Movement 1) Dynamic entry!
It starts in some portion of space. Remnants of battleships are floating around in this void. The main theme starts and you can see one lone battleship cruising towards some unknown destination. The crew are tired. They have been fighting for months, and the war still has no outcome. However, upon closer inspection you can see the hope in their eyes. The hope from world-weary people, who know that great things can be done only through great sacrifice. Fears nag at them, and they are doubtful if their choice is the right one. It's only when they face their adversary that their resolve is strengthened. And they do not fight alone. and yea im out of ideas. but interesting right? when im ready ill write the next few movements.

i like the first movement most cos as a musician u need to feel for your music and let ur audience feel too. Everytime i perform this movement i feel like crying in sorrow of lost, and hopefully when we perform this on saturday the audience can feel the solemn music.

2007-07-15T23:36:00.000+08:00

Well just done gaming after turf club today. But thats not I'm going to blog about today.

Today, i'm gonna blog about this retreat that i went to on fri/sat. I went back to CJC to facilitate the j2s, but in the end i guess im the one who benefited best from it.

Before this retreat, i was doing some sould searching and i was scared. I was scared it would fail. people kept playing musical chairs with me. I was scared the retreatants wouldnt open up. I was scared that i would make a lousy facil. so when the retreat came and went so fast, im very to say that it was a success.

first of all i want to thank the teachers for taking the time to organise this retreat. if not for this chance i doubt i would bother to open up to God again.

next i wanna thank the facils who came and made it so much more fun. the senior batches of councillors/ CA ppl plus the nus CSS ppl. thanks for rocking it for me.

my friends, who answered the call and came for it too. You don't know how much it meant to me. Some fights Man has to fight alone, but i am glad that this wasnt one of them. Thank you for helping me as this retreats means a lot to me. =)

finally, to group 10, who are (in no particualr order) ethel, daphne,tiffany, yen kiat, ado, clara, joann. Thanks for giving me the faith in myself. In reminding me that i still have the capability to love others, to care for them, to want to protect them. You guys probably will never read this, but its you all are like my kid brothers and sisters. I really hope that i can help u all out of the this retreat. and i hoped you all gained from it, just like i did.

really. God makes things work in ways we will never fathom. Thank you God for showing me that You are with me always. I have decided to not let army affect me. Not let the cruel world affect. Give me the strength to stay true, cos i cant do it without you.

really, thank you all

2007-07-03T18:34:00.000+08:00

Just came home from transformers with cheryl.

Its so damn frigging good! I'm still shaking from the show. I mean wow. If something can divert your attention from megan fox its gotta be great. if its a car/robot dude with lasers and stuff. COOL.

If its a truck with a fiery enchant sword called optimus prime. WOW. Optimus prime is sex. wanna get a truck. wooowoowoowooowoo.

Happy lil bugger here.

2007-06-16T00:44:00.001+08:00

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The True Story of How San Francisco Received Its Name

San Francisco – this is a derivative word from sand and Francisco. In the early settlement of this country it was the custom of an old monk of the interior, by the name of Jeremiah Francisco, to perform a pilgrimage to this place every month, to visit the tomb of a brother of the order whose remains he had here interred. The wind “blew like mad” here, and upon his return he was usually so covered with the dust and sand, that his neighbors were unable to recognize him; hence they soon began to call him sand Francisco.

On one of his pilgrimages he happened, by mistake, to die here, and the place ever after was called by his name. From the difficulty of enunciating the d, it was usually called SAN FRACNISCO, and has so continued to this day. The present popular notion that the place was named after the St. Francis Hotel is an error!

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California Weekly Courier
August 1, 1850

WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK! this is too funny i had to post it. HAHAHA. Told you all San Francisco was MY property. and now i have the historical proof to back it up HAHAHAHAHA.

2007-05-26T22:32:00.000+08:00

rachel's coming back soon. part of me is filled with the eagerness of seeing her once again, she being a close confidante in a difficult period of life known as the bmt. yeah i am a bad friend and hardly kept in contact, but thats why im quite excited to meet up and all.

on the other hand, a part of me is scared and apprehensive. life hasnt been good and im loserfied. what if the me now is not the me that was, what if we cant click anymore? i dont noe what to expect.

and it doesnt help that im an emo pissed off wreck.

2007-05-26T15:10:00.000+08:00

God gave us brains. Unfortunately not many of us use it. And the small percentage who actually do, only think about themselves. Seriously how can you all fucking live with the level of intelligence you all have. Are you all stupid or just retarded? Fucking shits. Just do the rest of the gene pool a favour and kill yourselves.

Fucking assholes.

2007-05-18T23:33:00.000+08:00

in case fors reads this.
/slap! wake up la k.
smile not for others. its alright to smile for yourself once in a while fool.

2007-05-18T23:25:00.000+08:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

i may never get to play in front of screaming spectators, or may never win a championship.
Nor will i ever be famous for what I am good at, or be respected as one of the top in the field.
My dreams are simple: conquer, destry, humiliate. So then do people look at me and tsk tsk in a "omg loser" way?

I may not be a sportsman. But can you honestly say that i am not an athlete?

Naruto league when i get back to camp. Train you scrubs!

2007-05-05T22:13:00.000+08:00

well if ur free enough to come my blog.. i presume u are free on wednesday, cos SAF combined parade bands are performing at ngee ann city at 7.30! it should be at the big open space there.. and well if you all do go. try looking for me im in the second row!

2007-05-01T00:13:00.000+08:00

just a face in the crowd, just a shadow of a smile.

2007-04-29T01:48:00.000+08:00

The stress. learning all ur parts only to forget them and to learn something else. shit i hope i can do it in time cos i doubt i can. well everyone's emo and all. so heres a big "SMILE FOOL" to all of you.

ive been getting weird dreams. i think im starting to get addicted. its either that or im going crazy. bah.

smile though you feel like crying.
smile though your heart is dying

well that said. i hope i can find myself again when im out of army. ive changed and i doubt its for the better.

2007-04-21T18:38:00.000+08:00

I never liked celebrating my own birthday. Behind the woo woo im older and the presents, im still pretty much screwed so no reason to celebrate that.

Other than that, here's a big thank you to all those who made this birthday somewhat happier/memorable.
In no particular order, God, family, band mates, stay-in personel, ex school mates, 87s and some very bored jc2s from john's class who messaged me. Oh and other friends not in these categories like big mama and mary-anne. thank you.

Thank you sir for letting me fulfill my dream here in band. Even though it was extremely short-lived, thanks for letting me fly with the ease only the Eb could offer me, thanks for letting me experience once again the touch of the petite instrument in my hands, the lovely female sound it creates, and the unique parts that make me feel so important. Thank you for the faith put in me. As of now, its going back to central band, and im brought back to the reality of what i am, a mere lowly parade bandsman not worthy of anything better than my E11.

2007-04-14T00:56:00.000+08:00

my phone died. contact me via this blog or smth.

=(((((

2007-03-26T02:27:00.000+08:00

Dear God. In the end I return to you, your prodigal son.
During my night walk home, I was reflecting about my life and where I was today. A lonely man with no meaning to his life. No dreams. No guts. Just running.

Today at church, I have decided to be like the adulterous woman who repented. Let me quit all my vices. Let me stop hurting you. Let me be a better person so that I can proudly say that I have done all my actions for the love of you.

Help me Lord.

This emptiness in my heart, take it away from me.

2007-03-24T00:20:00.000+08:00

just wanna run away from everything else and get a perfect ideal life. run run run run run
growing fat run run.

run away from here to a place with hope.

hope

hope.

2007-03-24T00:05:00.000+08:00

Finally one month of parades are over. Im tired im hungry im sunburnt and im lifeless. Escapism ftw woo. Let me run away in my own little world for the next three days as i enjoy my first weekend in a month.

Who the fuck are you? I think I used to know you but we lost contact didnt we? More like you lost contact cos I recalled trying to save our friendships over and over.

So who the fuck are you again? What is it you want? I dont know you anymore, and see no reason for you to come into my life. Just be gone fool.

2007-03-02T17:44:00.000+08:00

two words.

Fucked up.

2007-02-24T21:03:00.000+08:00

To summarise my happy week full of smiles.

Friday: Went to school for mass and new year's celebration, messed around with the JC1s and talked to the teachers. Went to timbre at night for drinks and stuff with yiyong, weijia, jodie, eugene, then brought jodie home for the night.
smile factor:4/5

Saturday: Breakfast with jodie and venezia, followed by wow and then reunion dinner at the uncle's house. oh. and lots of Dead or Alive too. shou shuied till 5.
smile factor: 3/5

Sunday: morning mass at 7.30, followed by a short nap then visiting. got to play with the baby cousin.
smile factor: 4/5

Monday: Played wow and rotted till night, then wei jia, eugene, john chan, lim sian, yeong ming and randall came over for drinking followed by clubbing at MOS.
smile factor:2/5

Tuesday: Visiting, catching up with council ppl (ivan, kai pin, cheryl, justina, teresa, khai, darsha) and half of my god ma fund, stoning and giving cheryl's friends the impression that im a jackass. mahjong and stuff.
smile factor: 5/5

Wednesday: went school for ash wednesday mass, messed with j1/j2s again, crapped with teachers then went over to bishan to study with livia, made notes and ate lunch. fasted of computer!
smile factor: 5/5

Thursday: Stoned at home till 1, went to jodie's house and bummed... disturbed gerri studying, make fun of lao die and her subtitles and tried to force feed jia hui with jodie's snacks. enjoyed his foot massager thingy... till lunch at 4.30 tried to make daph guilty (LOL) then had a lunner or what you call lunch/dinner at crystal jade before going home..
smile factor:5/5

Friday: Went to ben's house to bai nian bai nian then met up with cheryl and doris after accompanying ben to lavender for his passport. watched ghostrider.. which rocks if you play wow. felsteed wooowoowoo. met up with denyse and ivan for cam whore/drinking/beer shooting/bottle emsemble session. rocks man. supposed to go the scary bungee shit but it closed lol.
smile factor:5/5

saturday: went to life guard at calvin's party, more like baby sit... made water bombs, finished food and carried baby natalie... she tried to suck my breast lor the stupid hungry kid. too bad im flat. then wow till now.
smile factor:5/5 just for the cousins.

see see my week has been wonderful. first happy post in years =))))))))

2007-02-22T09:47:00.000+08:00

After that disclaimer post, I was just messing around the web and i suddenly felt like doing these testimonial of sorts, to my late grandfathers.

One was a musician, the other an artist. One was brought up in a malay kampong, was a humble man who loved us dearly, was a crazy improviser, was an upright man, who would quit his job instead of do something against his morals. He shared his passion of music and of God with me and his my inspiration to be a better musician, a better son, a better child of God. The other was a typical china man, who learnt to survive alone at the mere age of eleven, hence growing up to be a pragmatic man, but a loving man. I can still remember when my family was a young family, he would give us the basic neccessities such as soup and milk powder, and i being a spoilt brat would complain about not having any toys. Then he would go all the way to burger king and eat a kid's meal to get the toy, cos he couldnt afford real toys. Even though he was a loving grandfather, he made sure that we never slacked off discipline. i was scared of him cos of his fierce face, but now that im older, all i can recall of him is his love for us and how much he cared for us.

Both of you were men of great strength, men of integrity, men who loved their families and who would not let go of their beliefs. Thank you for being in my life, no matter how brief the time we had was. Hope your enjoying heaven now, and may we meet again in better times.

I'll never be the man you both were, but you are my inspiration, and i'll always keep the two of you in my hearts.

Gong, pa, take care and may God be with you all in the next place.
jeremiah luke francisco, your grandson

2007-02-22T08:14:00.000+08:00

to: all my friends out there.

no one will show to others how weak they really are. would you be able to live at peace with urself if other people had to cover ur asshole for you all the time? i believe that if you have to go to take a shit, you should wipe ur own backside. hence i put on a mask.

i AM weak. i am useless. i tend to dream too much, get delusions of grandeur. and i know. thats why i try to grow up, try to get stronger. i dont want to burden you guys with my shit.

but still we need some emotional output. hence the blog darlings. its for me to put out my thoughts and see how i can better myself. its for me to look back when i need to grow up.

sure i am a jackass when im out, doing stupid things, saying nonsensical stuff and all, but its too make you guys smile. inside i know im cold and hungry and tired. but no one who can keep it in will show it to ppl.

and when im out with you all and im happy and everything, most of the time its real. even though i go back to emo mood once everyone goes of in their seperate ways, when we are together i am truly happy. life is too shitty without these little things to cheer us up. i wanna be happy who doesnt. but when i am i will share it with you. when im not ill go bitch here.

aite thanks for actually reading through this load of bull and thanks for understanding.

=) jeremiah luke francisco. 2007

2007-02-10T22:57:00.000+08:00

So what happens when you die? Do people just forget you, or do you end up being a memory that they fondly recall but not neccessarily live for. Will friends come to comfort your family, or will they leave them to fend for themselves.

When the father of a friend of mine passed away, it really got me thinking. Will anyone be there for my family for my sake? Will anyone be genuinely sad that i am gone? Will anyone cry for me.

And what scared me was that I didnt know if there is anyone who would.

I come in alone, I will leave here alone. Life is just one big messed up joke aint it.

2007-02-03T18:17:00.000+08:00

I hold you, I touch you
In a maze can't find my way
I think you, I drink you
I'm being served you on a tray
You see girl
That's what I go through every day
Is this the way it should feel?

Pinch me, I'm dreaming
But if it is don't let me know
I'm drowning, don't save me
It's just the way I'd like to go
You see girl
You thrill me, half kill me
That's what you do...

Ai no corrida, that's where I am
You send me there
Your dream is my command
Ai no corrida, I find myself
No other thought
Just you and nothing else
You and nothing else

Before my heart saw you
Each day was just another day
Night, the lonely interlude
Just came, then blew away
You know girl
Everything was come what may
Until you fell in my life

This spell I'm under
Has caught me, I'm in a daze
Your lightning and thunder
Sets my poor heart ablaze
You see girl
You thrill me, half kill me
That's what you do

"Ai No Corrida", Quincy Jones.

Its getting messed up here.

2007-01-28T19:49:00.000+08:00

Ok. To those interested in the coming changing of guards, here's the details:

CHANGING OF GUARDS CEREMONY
Date: 4th Feb 2007, Sunday
Time: 5:45 PM
Location: Next to hello!@ Orchard to Istana main gates

Yeap.

2007-01-26T21:14:00.000+08:00

Ever felt like your going nowhere even when you put so much effort into what you like? Yeah. Discouraging. But when I see the smiles on the faces of those I love, I know its worth it. And its because of them that I will preservere. Fuh fuh.

Anyway on happier stuff, Band B is marching down orchard next sunday at around 5ish till 6ish for the changing of guard at Istana. Its the chinese new year themed march, so if your interested go see go see. And we have a public performance this march/may im not sure. Exciting.

Good news: I passed my grade 5 theory. Now for my practical paper yay.

2007-01-12T23:04:00.000+08:00

Wouldnt it be nice if i could just sit down at my emo corner, listen to good music and look at plants all day long? Or lock myself in a room and practise pieces i never dreamt i would play? wouoldnt be nice if I can spend the day kicking milipedes to the side so that people wont step on them and kill them? wouldnt it be nice if everyone was just nice to each other and no one hated anyone else?

sigh. guess after all that reflecting, i finally know what kind of person i am. im not a fighter. most definately not a lover. damn i make a very bad lover. im more of a dreamer. i can fantasise all i want, about having super powers or being a "man" and doing something brave for others, or being the most romantic guy on this planet, but truth is, im just an average joe. my dreaming is becoming dangerous. too much dreams and you get delusional. too little and you get emoed out. gee how how how.

and even though i can be this loud and crazy feller, sometimes i need some quiet time to myself to dream, to think things out, to find reason in my messed up life. usually my quiet time is at home, but now with me staying in and all people see me in my quiet time and well. im not emo guys. i just need some time to reflect so bear with me k?

another revelation. we ALL need affirmation. without it, how would we know if we did something that could make this world better. how would we know if our existance here is for a reason. how. now. brown. cow.

well yeah be nice and affirm somebody soon.

cant wait for our zoo trip.

2007-01-01T14:29:00.000+08:00

So much for a council chalet. The chalet was pretty fun, but pity the $60 price tag due to a large no show.

Its seriously not fair. We take the trouble to organise, plan, buy the food, every other fucking thing, and now we got to pay so much? Whatever happened to "coming" and actually showing fucking up? And whats this about getting others to join you in bastarding us?

What hurts me more then the no show was the fact that those that didnt come when they said they were coming were my "close" friends for many many years. Gee. Goes to show how much these friendships mean. I dont get it. If you dont intend to come. Say no. Dont say yes and not show up and let those who come foot the hefty bill. Whats up? Whatever happened to mutual respect and thinking for the rest? On retrospect, its always been a oneway thing has it? If you can benefit you are there, if not its "no. not going to happen". Well I had a lot of time to think if these relationships are worth keeping. And the answer is no. Fuck yourselves. Fuck your private parties, your diploma shit, your dark crusade. Fuck. At least have the decency to tell me your not coming. OR even call on the day to say your not feeling well. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT HURTS? not the fact that the chalet had a poor attendance. Its more of the fact that your my friends and your doing this to me.

Well. Here's to a great 07. Some of my resolutions this time.
1) Treasure my family members and real friends.
2) Ditch the fake shit fair weathered fuckers.
3) Don't ever be a fair weathered fucker.
4) Try to be happier.
5) Survive this year with pride
6) Most importantly, reconcile with my God.

Happy new year folks.

2006-12-24T15:58:00.000+08:00

merry christmas =)

2006-12-18T12:06:00.000+08:00

God whats happened to me? To that devil may care happy attitude, to the prayerful person I was? Who is this cold, hard, angry person i see in the mirror. What really am I?

Peace. I need peace. Please God bless me and give me peace. Calm the raging fires inside me. Calm the infinite cold i call my heart. Peace.

Help me. I love the people around me. Yet I end up hurting them. And running away. Running like a coward. A sneaky sneaky shit in the shadows.

Please. I want it to be like old times. When I am a happy dickass, not some hypocritical shithead who wants sincerely to shoot someone.

Peace.

2006-12-06T21:28:00.000+08:00

even though my life is soooo good. and even though i enjoy what im doing, i need to get it out of my system.

a band is a team effort. you only as good as your worst player and well. your drills are as good as ur worst marcher, if there's such a word.

so. to all those bo chup STUPID BLUR FUCKED UP ASSES who cant FUCKING MARCH. please practise marching.

its bad enough that people think we are faggots and dweebs without you all proving to them that it is true.

PLEASE PLEASE. STOP FUCKING AROUND. if you know you cant march pracitse more, focus more. or shoot yourself.

if you cant play well. practise more. or shoot urself.

morons. i cant keep on scolding you all. some of you are my batch. some are more senior. but most are my batch or lower.

no marching background is not an excuse. start and do it well. even you, the sergeant. wake up ur bloody idea.

PLEASE. YOU WANNA LOOK STUPID DONT DRAG ME DOWN WITH YOU. FUCKTARDS.

2006-11-28T20:45:00.001+08:00

Some very famous guy once said "To really know a person, get to know his friends."
i agree to this statement when reflecting on my personal self, as this is really true.

when i'm alone, im some dark, angry, arrogant kid. very angsty and emo. hate the world and all that stuff.

but when im with friends, i somehow become a cheerful, thoughful person thingy. maybe its the pressure of maintaining this "happy child" image of mine, or the thought that being emo would just spoil my friends moods, or that i've got to be strong for them. but i CHANGE. and i like myself when im that way rather damn being emo.

thats why i get so hurt when friends dont keep in contact. selfish as it is, i need you all to make me me. my identity. is what the people around make it to be. i can be anything i want. but the reality is that the mask that i enjoy wearing the most is the happy mask that i will get when im with friends.

so thank you for making me me. thank you for letting me be this person that i enjoy being. =)

2006-11-27T14:53:00.000+08:00

The Death of VC.
Even though I've not been active in church for so long, even though I hardly know anyone there, but the lost of my safe haven, of an institution that we made through hard work and God's blessing, really hurts me. The memories we share, the love we spread, the trust and dependance on each other.

Even though our group is now dead, but we will live on in the way God wants us. You will always be in my mind. Be strong for the face of the cross.

To all whom I have let down. Sorry for not being an ideal model or something while i was in the group.

Anyway. Lets look back and smile, for the time we had as VC was the best time of my life. =)

Stay close. and Stay happy.

And 87s. We disband and I won't know what to do anymore. Don't you all ever leave me.

2006-11-24T12:07:00.000+08:00

Congratulations to the newly weds, Mr Leong Chun Keong and Mrs Gail Leong!!

Haha. It was a beautiful day. It was a beautiful wedding. The union of two very good people. almost a full house there that day, with loads of friends and relatives. Everyone had wide smiles on their faces, and we were all sincerely happy for them. The wedding itself, was perfect. The choir was first class, the priests relevent and inspiring, the homily very good and the servers, ahh the servers, they were professional i swear.

haha. was great to meet up with old friends and new ones and to catch up with all of you. The familiar voices, familiar faces, familiar scents. Makes me realise how much i missed CJ. Gave me the chance to cam-whore a bit too. yay yay yay yay yayy.

happy happy. post wedding high. =)

On off till thursday. Jio me if ur free k guys.
On leave now.

2006-11-16T23:37:00.000+08:00

today's entry is gonna be different. its a happy entry!!!

revelation 1: I've got sweet smelling armpits
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOT so cool. i mean no BO and no need for deodorant. be jealous all.

actually this is the only revelation. i've been thinking about my life. and you know what? life is too short for you to emo it away. so do things you enjoy and laugh plenty.

which reminds me. i am bald again. its great cos i save on shampoo and its cooling. too cooling that i caught a cold today. heh.

yeah and to all my friends.. thanks for being great ppl and putting up with the emo moments. emo is not a state of mind, its a choice and im not choosing it anymore.

life is good. =) thanks for making it good.

and i'll dance like there's no tomorrow even though you're there in the crowd, looking at me.

2006-11-05T23:39:00.000+08:00

If you found out that the grand uncle whom you tell your friends about with pride, that one who was a singapore champion jockey, had a mistress and two bastard children, how would you feel?

If you went for an outdoor event that you had waited for for 4 months, and worked your ass off with the hopes of one day going, but it rained and its over, how would you feel?

If the group which you help start, which you felt you belonged and felt safe was to disband after 3 years because of some ppl, how would you feel?

If you dont know what to talk to other people about, because you have no life, because your life revolves around your work and your music, and people dont appreciate that music, how would you feel?

If you have no one to talk to, because everyone has their own problems and no one wants to listen to another person's problems, and all the friend you thought you had were gone, how would you feel?

I feel like fuck. And i feel like a hypocrite. Cheery, optimistic, telling people to look on the bright side, when all i want to do is to scream and cry and emo and curse and hurt people.

fuck.

2006-10-23T19:08:00.000+08:00

good luck all taking papers. including myself. haha

2006-10-15T20:37:00.000+08:00

guys. imma seriously damn amused by the southpark wow shit. go see it. =)

2006-10-08T00:05:00.000+08:00

just a pic to summarise my mood the past few weeks. tired, hungry, shagged, messed up and confused. but its gonna be a better tommorrow.

2006-09-30T00:26:00.000+08:00

To a special somebody called Jiahui.

you will probably never read this. but i need to get this out of my system. so here goes.

you may or may not know that you were the first girl i was really really interested in and bothered to chase and not just be loserishly loserish about. after you, i doubt i had any feelings for any girl as strong as those i had for you. call me a moron, but little did i know that you were just being friendly and nice, and werent even interested in me.

true. your standards are really high. true i was a jackass. true i was really dumb. true it was a bad time. true it wouldnt really last, seeing how immature i was.

still, there are many times when i think back about those days. when i think back about you.

i've grown to live without you. but still. i miss the sound of your voice, the way it could turn my legs into jelly. that smile you have, that could make the worst of my days tolerable. the depths of your eyes. the way they make this screwed up world perfect once more.

and i think of what could have been.

anyway. with this post. i have decided to let it go. to let YOU go. and this time. im starting my life anew. thank you for the chance to make myself a better man. may your life be filled with happiness and love. God bless.

ps. sorry to those who actually read this mushy shit. just needed it out of my system.

2006-09-24T22:29:00.000+08:00

busy busy.
kayaking was pretty good, and so was the lunch and super long adventure at marina.

just feeling like a fucked up friend. i am.. despicable. disgusting. hypocritical. self centred. fucked up.

but this time, i will not let my chance at excelling at clarinet studies go to waste. i took my grandad for granted. but i will not take aik kee for granted. clarinet. then sax. then kick ass.

2006-09-17T14:40:00.000+08:00

sentosa was great. meeting up with old friends for volleyball, swimming, frisbee and soccer.

wooo soccer. kick ass wee. anyway thanks to ben for the preparation of the picnic, and to all for coming.

sunburnt like nuts now, but my beret tan line still there. ahhh feck.

but after all the fun and games, i am still who i am. i am still lonely and empty. i hate having to wear a mask that hides the pain i have.

gonna run away from reality. but damn it the server is full. cant wow. feck. its just me and my clarinet now.

2006-09-09T00:41:00.000+08:00

I swear that is the ugliest tan line one could ever have. ugh. thats what happens when you go PoP parades.
anyway. sushi was great guys. pity about samantha. i wasnt in the mood to be a cheeko.

2006-08-28T20:50:00.000+08:00

i am a bandsman. was a bandsman for over 9 years. first in primary school, then in secondary school then now in army. why am i so on about band? why am i so crazy about music? i think its because i carry the name francisco. its in the blood, some people may say. i say, hell yeah.

upon personal reflection i realise what a proud person i am.

1) Pride as a friend. I really take this friendship thing seriously. sure its hard to keep in contact and all. but if anyone has problems, i see myself as a person who will help that person, who will go the extra mile with that person, just to help him out.

2) Pride as a bandsmen. Why do you think i take my drills seriously, take parades seriously, take my uniform seriously. yes i know my ironing sucks. but i do put in my effort to make sure its presentable. or at least try.

3) Pride as a musician. I love my music. Yes i do suck at it. but i love it all the same. its just a happy thing, playing music as a means to your financial needs.

4) Pride as a Singaporean. This I think is common for most of us. yet i cant understand why some people treat our country as a burden, how some people show no respect to this place we call home. i mean. basic respect for your home please. its irritating. yet i cant really tell them off cos most of them are my good friends. blame it on the education system and their parents.

yeah i think thats about it for now...

oh diva_68. please fuck the hell up before i make sure that a foreskin is not the only part of your anatomy that is lacking. i mean it. you think others like you i will let you go about jacking me? fuck you. touch me again. i swear i will kill you. and your whole family =)

oh derek yeh chiong sua sucks sucks sucks.

2006-08-26T22:52:00.000+08:00

the more i stay in band, the more i realise how much i love my job here in ns. i say job because unlike other units, where people hate doing what they are doing, basically running around in the grass or typing letters or looking all big and powerful. yay officer so zai. sgt so zai. like i care. all i care about is my music, and making sure i do my job well.

back to band, what's there not to like? i have a great officer, who is damn pro, yet very friendly. i doubt he will ever see this, but honestly he kicks ass. so rocks can. i am very lucky to be posted to the band i am in. learn a lot everyday. then there is my bsm, who treats us all like his sons. very friendly very understanding yet he does things seriously when there are things to do. the absm, who is very efficient and quite ok in my opinion, and my drum majors, who are pretty nice too. not pretty, just nice. sorry kai yi haha.

then there are the men. my seniors are blardy cool can. damn funny bunch of people. my batch mates are nice too. i've grown way closer to them seen stay in, and i dont regret it. the juniors, well lets see. cos i dont really know them that well.

but what i enjoy most. is the music. for once i feel useful feel good

the more i play, the more confident i get. the happier i get. just hope the audience who hear me will be happy too. after all, its the ultimate goal of a musician to make the audience feel for him.

till then, when i become kick ass pro...

tag replies.

jansen: heyo wassup? life is very good(read above) hows you?

jes: well if ur a fav guy u got to rmb things like that too haha.. =)

aly: haha long time no see too. nvm ndp got my face go try to see.

don: nm la. glad u noe. anyway balls i think i farm better.

2006-08-17T01:02:00.000+08:00

old acquaintances, new flames?

well im finally gonna take my grade 5 theory then my grade 8 in clarinet. hopefully can get a dip by the time i go uni so that heh heh. can take money from people.

nothing much to blog about. heres the lyric's to a song that describes my mood now.

Frank Sinatra - Shadow Of Your Smile
The shadow of your smile
When you have gone
Will color all my dreams
And light the dawn
Look into my eyes, my love, and see
All the lovely things, you are, to me
Our wistful little star
It was far, too high
A teardrop kissed your lips
And so, so did I
Now when I remember spring
And every little lovelything
I will be remembering
The shadow of your smile
Your lovely smile

haha. sounds love sick? dont know. but i simply love this song. go check it out. =)

2006-08-03T00:11:00.000+08:00

in retrospect i realise what a whiny kid i am.

which is why i have decided not to worry about the past or the future.

it is the now that matters. so i will take each day as it comes. smile for the small things that make my day. and try my best to be a hero to those around me who need one.

=)

oh and thanks guys for the tag. my board feels loved. haha. jes happy b'day. kaipin we must man together! mandy oh my ur tag was striking if u read this entry and jean yeah it was nice to talk.

national day's a bitch but i got lotsa off so whos complaining?

2006-07-17T02:24:00.000+08:00

i dont know you anymore. any of you. you all changed before i could register it.

is it wrong to want things to be like the good old times?

why is everything so f=ed up now.

i dont wanna grow up.

but everyone has alr done so.

now im left behind in the days long past.

and i dont know you anymore. yet trying to get to know you all over again is too tiring.

fuck it.

2006-07-12T22:33:00.000+08:00

sianeded.

the more i reflect the more i realise what a spiteful, hateful person i really am.

and at the same time i hate myself for it.

hmm.. its that darth vader feeling all over again.

2006-07-03T22:43:00.000+08:00

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though its breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, youll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
Youll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
Thats the time you must keep on trying
Smile, whats the use of crying?
Youll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

Thats the time you must keep on trying
Smile, whats the use of crying?
Youll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

Just some lyrics from a nice song by Nat King Cole.
Its these past few days, when I feel like my life has no purpose. When I feel alone. When I feel tired, confused.

I used to hide my tears and insecurities behind a mask of smiles.
I still do. But I wonder how long it will last before I go crazy. Times like this I wished I had someone who I could really talk to.

Times like this I know I am alone.
Times like this I got to embrace so that I can grow stronger.

2006-07-03T00:52:00.000+08:00

so suay today i swear i am jinxed.

=( and my pms isnt helping either.

some days, life is good.
some days, u bring the house down.
some days, the ceiling crashes on ur head.
today was one of those days. literally.

2006-06-30T00:16:00.000+08:00

the past weeks were very very very busy. so busy its starting to be a bitch.
thank God for offs tho. like, friday, monday, tuesday and friday offs. lovely. =)

on another totally random note, i have fat lips. or so some people say. eh heck. at least they are nice voluptious lips that ppl adore. and at least its fat lips and not just FAT. haha.

so mean.

purse: hellooooooooo.
yimin:aite aite will update my links when i got time.
cheryl:eh which cheryl are you? haha anyway hello back to you.

2006-06-18T16:56:00.000+08:00

dedicated to the man who taught me to be a man.
let me love music, to join a band.
unassuming and humble, yet when his family was in danger,
courageous and brave, decisive like a tiger.

before there was superman, xmen, batman.
before soccer legends, before tv stars.
you were my first hero.

when i was a child, your presence could make everything alright.
all i wanted was your blessings, your approval your trust.

yet. i cant really recall a time when u were really proud of me.
when i felt useful. i felt like i was good.

no. its always "never practise" always "not adventurous"
yeah i know the truth hurts. but at least acknowledge the efforts if not the results.

anyway. your still my hero. a human, imperfect, tired, vulnerable hero.
doubt you will ever read this. but when i grow up, u and papa are my bench marks.
i hope to be half the man you are. i hope to be more than that, so when i look back when i have my own kids, i can safely say "dad would be proud of me"

anyway. happy father's day, and heres to many years of a good and happy life. stay safe in shang hai. and come back soon.

2006-06-17T00:08:00.000+08:00

fuck you, and grow up.

your infantile behaviour is pissing me off.

you think i can take your shit all the time?

watch out.

2006-06-11T18:02:00.000+08:00

Life is hard. Life is stressful, but life is good.
i got friends, i got band, i got music, i love my job.
my family is there. my God is always there.

Little things in life lets u noe how lucky u are. and i am a lucky boy. even though at times i get emo-ish, and even with friends arouind me i feel neglected. sometimes even though i have it all i still feel inexplicable emptiness. yeah..

anyhow. life is good (as can be seen by the grwoing waist line) and i am generally happy!

and dont wathc omen it sucks. silent hill is just plain weird. the dumb blonde never learns. =)

2006-06-02T15:22:00.000+08:00

I WILL NEVER GIVE UP
because I love my music, I love to play it, love to hear it, love to show off and perform it.
because I love the feel of a clarinet in my hands, love the way i can play it, love the way my embouchure hurts my teeth and lips, love the way i feel music i enjoy, love the way i lose myself and be happy.

and so i will never give up.
because it is my life, my language, my outlet when i feel powerless.
because i grow stronger from it, grow better, love the way i can achieve something from it, love the way i can make people happy with my music, make them sad, make them peaceful. because i got to rise from the shadows of Franciscos before me. Because i want to be my own man.

I will never give up =) and istana change of guard on sunday, 1830 hours. be there if ur in town, if not, nevermind.

2006-05-26T20:11:00.000+08:00

i am sooooo useless. i mean, i practise so hard but still end up lousy.. very lousy. i try and fall and try again, but its no use. i still suck at what i love to do. why is it so? gah.

anyway. the past week has been very stressful since i got my posting. life is so different from when i was training. thank god the bulk of trainees are in my band now. i seriously need a miracle to improve so that i can keep my job. gah gah.

oh by the way, i am performing at istana next sunday at 3. if ur free or aound that area, just go and see me! its my virgin performance in the saf bands. hope i dont fuck up as usual.

bleah.

2006-05-08T19:34:00.000+08:00

had a talk with the father. who is, by the way, a damn pwnage musician.

topic of the day: music.
music is not about how good you can run those scales, or how orgasmic ur tone is (will elaborate on this later), said the father, who seriously rebuked my training style in band. sure that helps, but in the end, music is not a science, its the language of the soul. and since we all have different souls and are all different, our music will be diff in ways since its our intepretation of life and our expression. so well.

skills are important otherwise u cant express yourself properly, then no use. a good tone will make someone go whoa. but there is no such thing as a bad tone. if there was, satchmo has a bad tone. but when he plays, its from his heart, and it touches the souls of those listening, so it becomes beautiful. yes my tone is thin, but i will work on it. purpose is to tell my audience a story. one that they can relate. one that they will sit thru. and one that they will enjoy.

yeah i can go on about this forever. but well. just some revelations from talking to my old man. yeap. his cool. thats why come out sons like me and john. screwed up shits who know how to have fun. haha.

anyway. i am gonna stop being a technician and start working to be a musician. a good one. till then, i am not worthy to be called a musician. but just you wait. i will grow up. i will get stronger i will get better. and when i am good enough, you will be proud of me, ah gong.

gonna do good as a Francisco.

2006-05-03T22:14:00.000+08:00

acting on rachel's request to write something cheerful, well, here goes.

first of all. lets talk about band. the people in training wing are great man. where else do u play cheekopa for softshell crab handrolls. or pig out on sardine pufs. or do gay rain dances to cello sonata! haha. or play chinese chess with one pao or do recitals or just fool around. everyday i look forward to band its so yayness. and band mates= dota kaki = MAN haha

next. my frens from school. haha. you all have been really great and i miss u all plenty plenty!!! haha. omg i feel so happy and bimbotic. but its qutie sad some of u are going overseas and all. so to all going overseas, good luck and well dont worry i will still be as ah kwa as now when u come back.

1987s. hahau were on my previous entry. cos u guys ROCK! ice skating soon ya? heh heh. i cant wait for ord. cos i noe we will go on big big adventure haha. =) =) =)

family: kick ass dysfunctyional family. wat else can i ask for?

there. life is a bed of roses. all those out day who actually care, miah loves u all deep deep.haha

2006-04-30T09:52:00.000+08:00

where were you all when i needed you. i realised that usually i do alot of stupid things for my friends. but who are my friends? do i have any? why the fuck is my life so screwed up. why the fuck do i feel so alone in this messed world. mommy.

i need my 87s. sure i dont really fit in. but u guys still try.

i wanna die. i just dare not do it.

2006-04-26T21:56:00.000+08:00

Life is getting slightly better thanks to a greeeaaatt thing called band, which never fails to cheer me up. oh oh. and great frens. like me. who went from mandai to blardy lakewest and did a route march there to find donovan's house cos poor kid was sick and no one at home. rachel came too and i met ivan there too. that really made my day. haha

today i am feeling slightly sick but still manly went to band.. which was blardy worth it cos i got to hear chi seng go "eh i can play the dududu song" and we had like little recitals to practise and well morale is pretty high.

but i think i may report sick tomms cos i dont feel so well.. =(
anyway my junior anne asked me to do this so hear goes.

77777777
7 celebrity crushes.
erm? ok.. jess alba cos she is my tiger beer ambassador and fuck yeah cos she's hot.
kristin kruek cos she is sweet and hot and perfect and damn that superman for making her cry all the time.
rui en. read above.
erm no more la. oh wait wait. maia lee cos she has same name.

7 qualities I want in a potential gf
funny
sensitive
not too man
less leg hair then me,
dont noe. erm. doesnt kill me and forgives my stupid mistakes.

7 random songs at the moment
fly me to the moon
solo de concours(MAN)
dududu(menuet by bach)
some song from amelie.
crucify my love.
endless rain.
dont sweat the technique.

7 things I say most
MAN
not man
kuniang
ahkwa
cb
lan lan suck thumb
huh wat thing?(in the blur recruits voice)

7 people who needs to do this
homework! if ur reading this ur in the 7 i dont care you so much just do.

my rainbow after the storm =)

2006-04-24T22:29:00.000+08:00

It never rains but pours.

super dulaned super pissed.

times like this when i say. "suck thumb"

but i need to bitch.

i need to punch someone.

and losing at dota cos my team is a bunch of fags isnt helping.

2006-04-22T11:37:00.000+08:00

i woke up this morning praying that yesterday was a dream but alas, i knew it wasnt.. yesterday yesterday. my goodness. what was i thinking. i dont noe wat to say.

how i wished i could turn back time and just shut up. how i wished i could disappear from this earth.

but i cant, so now i got to face the consequences. in times like this, suck thumb, carry on and yell "MAN"

to easter bunnies and mocha, i'm so sorry for putting u in that awkward position. yeah ur identity has been protected in case u dont want any want to know.

gonna get drunk and then play dota now. =/

2006-04-22T04:07:00.000+08:00

i am a fucktard. period.

a screwed up dumb fuck ass.

ah well. it could have been worse. now i am just gonna think about my life. till then, go dl fly me to the moon its good.

2006-04-18T22:26:00.000+08:00

this i definitely have to blog about. the big 1 9. yeap. i am old!! here's the boring story of this day.

woke up early early to go to band... and received many many messages!! thanks to all who remembered.. and to those whom i dont remember telling but still noe.. haha.. those who forgot: orh!!! so baD!! no la. love you all still. haha

band was great. orgasmic. talk to drill session in the morning and lots of talking cock with my band mates, followed by ip. which ended up being a snack period/fire and movement practise. haha.

oh. oh. i got taupoked/ stripped in band. but they gave up after the boots, cos francisco uses saf boots! hard to put on, harder to take off! haha

yeah. its a great day. and now i am happy =) here's to a more matured jeremiah(in your face! hooha) or maybe not. haha

2006-04-16T00:32:00.000+08:00

HAPPY EASTER EVERY BODY!! Death has no hold on us since our Lord has conquered it. Anyway, I thought that after army pes c sai kang warrior training, church sai kang would be easy. I AM SO WRONG. Decorating the church is like a blardy reality tv show. We met at 9.30 at night on Good Friday to do church decorations. which included pasting aluminium on walls, painting walls, making it look like caves, doing the chandelier (my physics still not bad next time can be electrician) hanging stuff and tying clothes all over. time we ended: 0630 hours. and it wasnt over yet. still had to complete ceiling for some unlucky ones.

too bad i didnt go next day. i woke up in time for lunch with the council ppl. i thot it was gonna be like 4 ppl, but turned out we had 12. soo cool! and so sweet they remembered my birthday. even though i got embarrassed at nydc, its ok i love u all still cos i am shameless! to teresa and cheryl: tahnk yew!!!!!!!!!! i love presents. =) oh and i got hit for nothing. cos peter ka jiao cheryl and she thot it was me. haha peter told u dont anyhow make sticky rain.

to all the botaks. good luck to the rest, HAPPY EASTER!

2006-04-11T21:52:00.000+08:00

Your Porn Star Name Is...

Andy Asstronut

What's" Your Porn Star Name?

? anyway. band has been good to me. as i learn and as i grow. i hope to find the meaning of my life here. and well. i hope to be a better person. yeap..

2006-04-10T22:23:00.000+08:00

I should stop running away. Till then, band life is a good life. But assessment next monday and ippt next tuesday. one word: screwed.

anyway, more impt i have dota tmw! yeah.

2006-04-07T18:48:00.000+08:00

when you have lots of time in a small room your mind tends to wander. topic for today was: what exactly is love in our modern day context?

if you hate gp u can go off now. if u are ok with reading a lot of crap from me carry on.

from young we (catholics) are taught that love involves sacrifice, dedication, and commitment. its what makes this crazy world more bearable. what makes us look perfect in our partners eyes. not really perfect. ok not perfect. more like accept our human frailties. thats my ideal love?

the type of love projected to us youngsters of the mtv generation is more... different. its more like physical contact, making out, screwing around. instant gratuition. its shallow, short-lived and often just an illusion. yet many of us prefer to choose the latter to the former.

why? i personally dont know why i do so myself. (no the above statement doesnt mean i went around screwing people) is it because its the easier way out? twice already i jumped into a relationship just for the sake of it without thinking whether i can commit. twice i had someone loving me and i took that for granted. twice i let someone special down.

its times like this that i realise what a despo fuck i am for jumping in without thinking. for jumping in for lust (or a perversion of love) instead of real love. for thinkiung that i love the person. for making things a big mess and eventually hurting both parties.

times like this i decide to lay off relationships till i am matured enough to commit and to love.

till then. i am just miah, child of God and musician in saf band. friend to anyone who needs a friend and clown for the public. till then. one day i will grow up. one day. watch me learn from my mistakes and come out a better man.

2006-03-31T21:00:00.000+08:00

its been one of those days. that i don't get to touch my baby clarinet. which may be a good thing considering that i have been putting in at least 9 hours a day for 4 consecutive days doing ip(individual practise). my lips hurt and worse part is this uber painful ulcer in my mouth. so today's drill/theory lessons were a welcome change.

anyway. it was at mass that i realised how bitter i have become. i am pissed with most ppl. only a lucky few are in my non pissed club. like frankie!! omg. his so funny can. always get sabohed. how will band be without my fellow trannies. i dont noe. they are a decent lot.

oh well. mixed up feelings make a confused miah. bear with me for a while.

oh. and if u are acting like some big ass and think your damn great even though other ppl did the work and all u did was take credit for it, FUCK YOU.

and if your gonna ignore me. im gonna ignore you. "friends" like that i dont need.

2006-03-25T02:20:00.000+08:00

suicide never sounded as sweet as concertino for clarinet(Bb) and strings... on another note, today i realised that my fundamentals are wrong. so for 10 years i have been playing wrongly. nevermind. shall perservere. hmm.

v for vendetta is a good show.. thought provoking, deep for a movie, and great i mean great soundtrack. go see it.

"beneath this mask is not a face, but an idea. and ideas are bulletproof"

2006-03-22T20:29:00.000+08:00

third day of band.. and i got enough uniforms to iron the rest of my life. anyway ppl think that band for of agua, but the truth is that band only got a lot of kaka.. and training's easy but i am stressed that cannot make it to central band. which is like everyone's goal, and i got 5 great clarinettists to compete with. so well.. gotta practise boring but difficult clarinet pieces... i want to have a session with my tutor! i'm screwed!

oh well.. gonna come out better than before.. thats a guarantee.. and i love band lor. haa only bitch is the 20 min walk from guard house to white house. faaaaaarrrrrkkkkkkkk. oh well.. gotta go get my pin now..

and i have been having very weird dreams.. about cj juniors and j3s. weird. very.

2006-03-18T22:22:00.000+08:00

important discovery: maphack kills men. The manly brothers suffered a horrible defeat to the maphacking five.. all thanks to a feeding naix. if you don't understand never mind. if you do pat yourself.

oh. jeremiah luke francisco is now in band. oh yeah. let me repeat that. band. like saf band. wee.
since early early my life has been filled with music.. so its quite a happy thing to get into band. i honestly regretted not joining band in jc. i don't regret not joining cjc band, but i regret not joining a band. two years and the only time i played music and enjoyed was for masses and pnw, and for sjimb alumni. so now that saf wants me, im gonna take this two years and train. not play anymore. train. i want to be good. i want to go pro. are you watching me, ah gong? i wanna be a francisco by my own merit. i am sick of people saying " oh your that lawrence grandson" or "terrence son right? no wonder you can play" i want to be the "whoa jeremiah, your good" by my own merit. to rise from their shadows, yet not to forget my roots.. oh well.. rambling again.

lastly.. its only like last year or the year b4 that i realised how much i love dancing. sure i am awkward and may look stupid, but when u can express yourself truly, that is total style. be it in music, dance, art, or everyday life. i want to have total style. and to those who look down on popping/ bboy culture. eat worms and die. its our way not yours so go mind your own business.

2006-03-17T01:02:00.000+08:00

i realised that my blog needed an update when not one, but two people ask me to update..

so here's a topic i think is close to my heart.
lets talk about clowns. people think that clowns are losers who dress up in make up and do stupid things to make people laugh. but if u go deeper, wat are clowns? who in his right frame of mind would belittle himself to make ppl feel good? people are sad. people need affirmation. clown to the rescue. anyone spared a thought for the clowns? anyone thought of what would happen if the clown is sad? clowns have smiles painted on them, but what really is going on inside? are there tears under all that make up? who will cheer the clown up?

this clown's day, be nice to your neighbourhood clown. give him a hug pls.

that so did not make sense. on another note, ben has converted me to the philosophy of paintball. ditto to nam hyun joon, who outdid himself with a beautiful clockwork routine. click here to see hyun joon and crew in action.

i wanna pop and animate like that. hmm. been going out lots.. here are a few revelations :

i supposedly act like a gay.. =.=
don't tell friends everything cos u will eat shit.
clubbing gets boring.
army makes u think shit food is good food, and ugly girls are actually quite pretty.
popping rocks.
kids rock.

yeah tts about it. i love my friends. serious. if ur reading this and ur a fren, give urself a pat on the back.

gym on sat, go nus tomms to get pin. knn. popping everywhere

2006-03-09T16:04:00.000+08:00

watever la.

watever.

too tired of some people. so watever to you too.

hope i get into saf band.

2006-03-05T16:59:00.000+08:00

leopard coy is no. 1 for games day.

SSS (super sexy soldiers) won the tug of war. first time a pes c coy won tug of war or games day. well, the camaradrie SSS displayed as one body one mind.. its really great. focus overcomes all..

but enough about tug of war. heres a revelation. the more i club the more sian it gets. i oso dont noe. sian

miah is a confused boy. very confused. and nice guys always end last.

2006-03-01T17:24:00.000+08:00

Here are the results.

Chem B
Physics B
Bio B
Maths B
GP A1
Spaper chem Merit
Spaper physics Ungraded.

suck thumb lo. Very disappointing. Don't know how it turned out like that. Let my parents down. Let my teachers down. Let my school down.

fark.

2006-02-17T13:50:00.000+08:00

it was like a scene out of a movie.
beautiful night. full round moon..
and the pattern that will be etched in my mind.
shit i got to go parks more often.. =)

life is so surreal at times ya?

2006-02-12T12:56:00.000+08:00

guard duty is fucked up.

fuck you derek (L coy platoon 3 section 4 previously from 1t1 of cjc) for being a chao geng chee bye and letting me wipe ur ass over here at tekong. ur chee bye inside got ghost...

cheryl: yeah house of the dead is fun gonna teach my sis next book out i have

snoopy: its not fun.. i want to go back to school.. damn.

teresa: i want to tell my grandkids stories about how i charged overwhelming numbers of enemies and defended singapore or something not that i have to stuff tissue up my ass to protect myself from gay men.. -(

fuck la got another 8 hours left on mainland.. sian,

2006-02-02T12:32:00.000+08:00

just a thought...
will army really make me a hokkien peng? its true that i have been significantly more vulgar.. is it me changing? or just my innate vulgar self being more able to express myself in army. wat kind of image am i giving other ppl?

will i change? will i become what i hate? looking at khai's tag board, i realised that i can be vulgar.. to the point that i do not recognise my self anymore..

so for this chinese new year resolution, i will try not to be too vulgar, but at the same time not to be a pompous ass.

lets see how it goes.

foxtrot oscar foxtrot oscar.